i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
