i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
