just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
