Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
