Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
