this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
pop tarts are not kleenex
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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