Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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