listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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