i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
