yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
