DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
