So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Two words: nipple clamps
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