i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
