Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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