I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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