I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
