Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
