i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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