He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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