I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
