Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
