There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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