he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
