So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
