My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
