Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
