I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
