she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
