We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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