saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
