I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
