Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
