i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize