someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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