I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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