My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
