my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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