Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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