This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
