The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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