I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
