So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize