spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
