either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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