Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize