all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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