Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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