I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm just crazy horny about you
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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