i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
