I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
