I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
