why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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