So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize