then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i love accidental penises.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
