i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
