Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
