I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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