New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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