Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
