I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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