he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize