I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
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